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Pikachu2000
11-23-2012, 05:10 PM
hey guys as u might have seen in my previous story that i had a Light-Bulb moment so

Here i go hope you enjoy it!:
Intro
it was a clear day when war had broke loose let me fill you in. I'm a Charizard fighting for the freedom of the pokemon and not being ruled by the dark side of pokemon. So far the war has seen my friends coming back wounded and injured even others in critical care we're about 3 months into the war and the enemy has captured quite a bit of land if i may say so my self.

Now anyway whee was i yes im going on the frontline soon it's going to be a heck of a ride!

Chapter 1:First day on the Frontline

"Blastoise use water cannon on those enemy troops so we can get past and launch a suprise attack in the city of the lost,great work blastoise now move out. Everyone got there moves ready"said me in control of this entire squadren! Yes sir said all of them i felt a great power inside of me and it was my duty that none of these men had to go home and be buried........
Later
"sir we've taken over a large amount of the city only one more attack in the boder building the comander he shud be wiped of the map!"said one Purlion
it had been a hard day of fighting all we need is our sky pokemon to launch there special egg bombs on the building and they should be all gone and we can set up camp
but no they never did come so i had to go in with two other pokemon Blatoise and venasaur school friends of mine when i was younger.
as we reached the floor he was on we had sensed this wasn't going to be easy "get your water blast ready blastiose venasaur get your razer leaf ready and i'l get my fire blast ready,blastoise knock down the door"
now i cant mention this next bit because the pokemon freedom fighters told me not to but i will he was all alone i shot my fire blast at him he was incinerated gone we had control of the town but untill the next battle diary that will be all...........


Leave coments below hope u liked it ! :D

DarkCloud7
11-23-2012, 05:25 PM
to be honest I found it confusing and poorly written. There are many grammatical errors and I can't seem to see a flow in between the two parts. Now, I am not trying to only criticize it! The plot seemed good! Now, just work on making the grammar better and to add more detail. That is all I have to say.

Pikachu2000
11-23-2012, 05:39 PM
to be honest I found it confusing and poorly written. There are many grammatical errors and I can't seem to see a flow in between the two parts. Now, I am not trying to only criticize it! The plot seemed good! Now, just work on making the grammar better and to add more detail. That is all I have to say.

sure technically its alright its ur opinion! il try to work on it for the next part!

Pikachu Belle
11-23-2012, 05:42 PM
Sorry but I have to agree with Cloud. I am very confused by this. :/

Pikachu2000
11-23-2012, 06:13 PM
Sorry but I have to agree with Cloud. I am very confused by this. :/

its fine il try to make it more clear next time around!

Dhomie
11-23-2012, 07:05 PM
I liked the story a lot I got your idea . It just doesnt flow to good. Other than that it is pretty cool. ( I wish I gt this many comments . I would love help on my story.)

The Kiwi Dragon
11-23-2012, 07:45 PM
Too confusing sorry

Pikachu2000
11-24-2012, 07:26 PM
I liked the story a lot I got your idea . It just doesnt flow to good. Other than that it is pretty cool. ( I wish I gt this many comments . I would love help on my story.)
sure pm meh

Pikachu2000
11-24-2012, 07:27 PM
Guys imma make a remake of this!