View Full Version : Fanfiction Not an Ordinary Journey

12-06-2012, 09:21 AM
Chapter 1: The Egg
I woke up to a gentle licking on my face. “Get down girl,” I said as I looked at my alarm clock. My vision is blurry from me just waking up as usual. I think my alarm says 10:00 so it’s not too late. I was worried I’d wake up late, I couldn't sleep last night and not just because I’m an insomniac, no today was something more than a kid’s average day. Today was the day that marks my status as a trainer because it’s my 10th birthday and I am finally able to get my first Pokemon!

I looked at my clock again and did a double take, “1:00! No, no, no this can’t be right!” I slung the covers off my bed not knowing Poochy, our Poochyena was still there, throwing her off the bed along with the covers. A yelp came from Poochy when she hit the ground. “Are you okay Pooch? I would never do something like that on purpose.” Poochy couldn’t talk because she was still a baby. I placed her on my bed and swiftly ran to my dresser, changed clothes and ran downstairs with Pooch on my tail.

I got to the bottom of the wooden steps and made my way to the kitchen. What a surprise… the kitchen is full of my friends and family. I sat down at the table while my mom got her camera. “Please no mom.” There is nothing I hate more than having my picture taken. “Let me get one picture then you will get your pokemon,” mom said.

“Fine”The picture was taken and from behind her back was something weird. It wasn’t a pokeball and it wasn’t a pokemon. Jonney and Kyle, my two friends, knew what it was yet I didn’t. “Wait is that a pokemon egg?”

“Yes and until it hatches you can’t leave on your journey, you can’t have an egg use bite,” She said with a smile. I thought my journey to be a champion was supposed to start today, but apparently she can’t let go of me that easy. I grabbed the egg and smiled, “I don’t know who you are but I love you… unless you’re a Dunsparce.” My mom shot me a dirty look and we got ready for the other gifts which were 2 pokeballs, a great ball, a bag, and a Poketech.

“What do you think it is Teddy,”Kyle said as he got his cake.

“Maybe Riolu or Zorua, it could be almost anything and I would be happy!” After cake Jonney, Kyle and I went to my room while our parents whispered, don’t ask me what they were talking about but I hope they aren’t talking about what the pokemon in the shiny egg is because I have ears like a Braviary. “So Kyle, what’s your secret Pokemon you said you got?”

“Teddy, so impatient, wait until our first battle”

“Jonney, why not introduce your friend to the egg?”

“I don’t see why not!” Jonny reached into his pocket and pulled out a pokeball with blue flames painted on it, pressed the button with his thumb. Kyle and I covered our eyes as a blinding light filled the room. Once the light died down we saw Jonney’s victini jumping on the bed and using his tiny wings to glide back down. “Hi Teddy! Kyle!” “Hi Victini! Want to battle,” I asked. Victini nodded and I ran downstairs to my mom.

“Mom! Can I use Poochie in a battle against Jonny and Victini?”

“Poochie are you up to it?” She nodded and we went out the back door to our battlefield.

Kyle offered to be the referee and we started the battle.

Jonny: Victini your up!

Poochy, win this!

Your move Jonney

Jonny: “Victini Headbutt!”

Victini moved in closer as I called for Poochy to use double team. Poochy did as I said but Victini still hit Poochie. (How?) I then remembered that victini was part psychic, it can sense the phony.

Poochy! Toxic!

The sludge hit Victini.

Jonny: So you want to play like that huh? Will-O-Wisp! Now we both have a condition, and must I remind you that your attack is halved while burned?

Grr I didn’t know Victini knew that move.

Jonny: Façade Victini!

“Dude, that’s weak! Quick attack Poochy!”

Victini’s Façade dealt even more damage due to the speed that they collided at.

Jonny: and with that burn it also does twice the damage.

(What?! I forgot about that! How could I be so stupid?)
Kyle: Poochyena is unable to battle, Victini wins this match!

“Good game Jonny, but remember, you have been a trainer longer than me.”

“Why can’t you just let me enjoy my win?” The three of us stopped by the kitchen on the way to my room. “Kyle, I left you something on Matthew’s bed, I think you will want it. It’s also keeping the egg warm.”

“Thanks mom.” ”I hope it isn’t a thunderstone. They make my hair stand up.” With Kyle’s long hair it doesn’t take much electricity to make it spike up. Kyle dashed ahead of us and made it to my room before Jonny and I made it to the first step of the staircase. “What is it?” Jonny was about as excited as Kyle but doesn’t run much.

“A-a-a Firestone. I have a book Evolutionary items lemme look it up.”

“A Firestone can evolve Pokemon: Growlithe, Vulpix, Pansear, and Eevee,” Jonny acts like he knows everything and tries to prove it when the chance comes, it isn’t any different today. Kyle sat on the bed , I don’t think he expected this. He put it in his bag and sat on my bed. Nobody seemed to notice that my egg was rolling off the bed except Victini because a shriek came from her and everything went slowly and she dove, hitting the ground hard but catching the egg. My heart pounded as loud as a Dialga’s roar. Tears came to our eyes as I picked up victini and the egg. “Thank you Victini. Are you okay?”

“My wing hurts a little but I’m fine” I sprayed a potion that I keep handy in my room on her wing. “Better?” Victini smiled and we all agreed to keep this between us.

“Let’s go to the PokeMart!”

“Sounds fun,” Jonny and Kyle spoke up, “but we are broke”

“I have 3,000 PokeDollars, you can each have 1,000.” We all got up and let our parents knew we were off to the PokeMart. We ran as fast as our legs could carry us to avoid any wild pokemon though I had to carry Victini because of her wing. On the way we saw Rattata, Pidgy, and even a Caterpie! Once we got to the PokeMart Jonney ran to the Pokeballs with me and Kyle ran to the Potions. “They have a Quick Ball!” I love the Quick Ball, they help with pesky Abras. Kyle came back to us with 5 Potions. (“Overkill”)I whispered to myself. “Jonney, what are you getting” Jonney showed me the Luxury Ball in his hand and we walked to the counter.

“Hello, how may I help you three,” The clerk said “We would like these items.” The clerk gave us our items and I gave her the PokeDollars. “What is wrong with that Pokemon?”

“Just a hurt wing, I’m okay.” “Get well soon!” The clerk handed us an extra potion for Victini. “Thank you!” We all said on our way out.

“Give me your Pokemon!” An old man was being confronted by an oddly dressed man with an S on his hood.

“Never!” The odd man pushed the elder, took the Pokeballs that fell out of the man’s pocket and said “We are team Supernova!” While running. We all helped the man up and asked many questions but he had not one idea of who the grunt was.

“This is one of the many reasons we are becoming pokemon trainers! To stop people like that guy and Team Rocket! We have to get back home, stay safe!” We walked home with that strange man weighing heavily on our minds, not even worried about wild Pokemon.

Our trio made it home safely and swiftly ran inside. “How’s the egg mom?”

“I have no idea I forgot you were gone and haven’t checked.”

“Stay down here, if it’s all okay I’m going to come back down and we can watch Pokemon Rumble. Clever how they make a show based on toy Pokemon!” I ran up to my room and went through the door. It didn't take long for me to notice a slight crack in the egg. I grabbed the egg and ran through the door. Sliding down the stair rail doesn't always work but luckily this time it did. When I made my way to the kitchen everyone knew something was going on. Everybody gathered around.

“The egg,” I said. A bright light emerged from the egg as everyone said together

“It’s hatching.”

Thank you for reading this is my first fanfic so criticism would greatly be apprecieated.

12-06-2012, 02:39 PM
I must say, I'm really enjoying it O.o' Not because I'm a character (or maybe that's why lol), but it seems really nice and seems like it has a good plot. I can already assume where the story is going to go and I think I already know what my first Pokemon is but that may because I know what 6 I requested. But I'm going to keep my assumptions to myself. Now, I feel I need to help you with some things.

First, you HAVE to have a new sentence when a new character begins talking. I'll give you an example of what I mean and how to fix it.

Your version:

"A-a-a Firestone. I have a book Evolutionary items lemme look it up.” “A Firestone can evolve Pokemon: Growlithe, Vulpix, Pansear, and Eevee,” Jonny acts like he knows everything and tries to prove it when the chance comes, it isn’t any different today."

Now here is the correct version:

“A-a-a Firestone. I have a book Evolutionary items lemme look it up.” Kyle stumbled.

“A Firestone can evolve Pokemon: Growlithe, Vulpix, Pansear, and Eevee,” Jonny acts like he knows everything and tries to prove it when the chance comes, it isn’t any different today.

You need the space in between everytime a new character begins talking. It makes it easier to read and understand. There were quite a dw times I couldn't tell who was talking.

Second, there were very few spelling/grammatical errors. Not much to say.

Third, I love the crude jokes in there. And you even have our characters VERY close to how me, you, and Jon act so good job on that :D

Overall, I really enjoy it do far! I can't wait for the second chapter! Please have it out soon!!

12-06-2012, 02:45 PM
I will! and I will correct the mistakes. Pm me what you think your pokemon is

12-06-2012, 05:22 PM
Chapter 2: Start of Something New

This is the defining moment, life or death on my own journey. The light formed a figure and I let out a sigh of relief, It was… not a Dunsparce nor a Magicarp. Tears swelled up in my eyes. “Welcome to the team Growlithe… can I call you Growlie?” Growlie let a bark slip and I started to tear up again.

“Teddy, how about that battle we have been waiting years for?” Kyle knew the right thing to say most of the time. Though he doesn’t get most jokes I tell for fun.

“She isn’t mine until I catch her” I grabbed a Luxury Ball I had saved my whole life for this moment. “Growlie, If you want to join me, press this button”

Growlie sniffed the ball and sat still for a second. (Does she not want to join me?) Growlie then nudged the Pokeball, hitting the button and making it grow and drag her in. *Shake* *Shake* *Shake* DING!
“My first Pokemon! I guess I’m going on a journey tomorrow!”
“Don’t forget about you friends who will be by your side!” Is Kyle stupid or something? How could I forget?
“C’mon everyone, watch the battle between Teddy and I” We all ran outside, but only three stood on the battlefield: Jonney was the referee.

“Growlie, the spotlight is on you!” Growlie emerged from the black ball much less confused than before.
“It’s our moment dahling!” Kyle threw the Pokeball and out came an Eevee! Her fur was a fine light brown color with a dab of shine.” Hold up Teddy!” Kyle reach into his bag and got the Firestone.

“How would you like to be a fire type Eevee?”Kyle place the Firestone next to Eevee. “It’s your choice” Eevee went to tap the stone but refused for now. “I guess you’re right, let’s not rush into this decision.”

“To determine who goes first I will flip a coin. Teddy is tails.” Jonney tossed the coin into the air “The Fire Ferrets- er I mean Kyle wins the coin toss!”

I looked over at Jonney with a big grin. “Too much avatar”

“Eevee Tackle!” Eevee ran and got closer and closer to Growlie.

“Bite” Whispering throws your opponent off and doesn’t give them much time to think. That is what I’ll do this battle.
Kyle celebrated a bit too early because he didn’t even notice his ‘ Dahling‘ had teeth marks on her.

“Eevee Wish!”

“Growlie, finish her off with Ember!” So much for whispering. Growlie shot fire at Eevee as it got burned. “I think it’s over Kyle.” I walked over to Eevee and sprayed her with a Full Heal and Potion.


“Yes it is.. our Pokemon are just babies and we need not to let then get hurt. It’s getting late let’s go upstairs to watch some contests and get to bed, your parents agreed to letting you stay overnight”
I don’t remember much of last night except two pizzas and a 2liter Root Beer… What, I’m trying to lose weight. “Jimmy wake your face up!”
“My name is Jonny? Kyle is still asleep and I know just how to wake him up” We shoved Kyle further into his lime green sleeping bag.
“Enjoy your ride!” Kyle woke up right before we rolled him down the staircase, but that didn’t stop us. Bump, bump, bump! “Ouch that looked like it hurt bad!”
“Why don’t you try it!?” Kyle Eevee tackled our legs and we came tumbling down.
We all laughed together.

“Hello boys!” One thing went through my mind the moment I heard that voice, why is Professor Oak in my kitchen? “It’s time for you to be off, gather your things and take one of these Pokedex and be on your way” We did as Oak requested and we were out the door with our families waving goodbye.as we took our first step into route one together.

Kyle ran ahead and when we caught up with him he looked like he’d seen at Litwik. “Teddy why is there a Chinchou in this River, I thought we were in Kanto not Hoenn?”

“That’s a rare sight capture it! Jenny, have victini use Will-O-Wisp and Façade and let Kyle catch it, It was on his wishlist!.

“Victini take care of it!” Victini flew into the air with her wing feeling slightly better and executed the combo perfectly. “Why is the Chinchou just floating there? Is it-”

“I’m tired of this conversation” Kyle said as he threw a Heal Ball. The Pokemon got sucked in and nothing, no shakes or noises. Kyle threw the Pokeball at the water and out came a happy Chinchou. “I-I don’t understand.”

“Five minutes haven’t passed and this journey is already wierd” I thought the weird part was going to be at night when Jonney gets cold and almost catches himself on fire.
“Let’s keep going and we will rest at Viridian Forest”

“Wait.. do you both see that trainer waiting staring in front of him?”



“Let’s get him by walking up and demanding he battle us instead off the other way around.”

“I’ll battle him”

“But winning won’t happen”

The trainer sent out three magnemites and I had one Growlithe… simple… E-M-B-E-R. The battle was over faster than it started and I could see Viridian Forest.

“Let’s get out of here!” I can’t believe how many cool Pokemon there are on Route 1, Caterpie, Pidgy, and I’m pretty sure I saw an Abra.

“Shroomish, Wurmple why are so many Hoenn Pokemon here?”

We stopped to read a sign. –MOOMOO MILK! IT’S MILK!-
“Strange but true.” I couldn’t help but wonder why that sign was out in Route 1

“We have finally made it to Viridian Forest”

“Let’s train a bit then go swimming.” Jonny has the right idea!
Our Pokemon were already out of their Pokeballs so…

“Growlie! Bite Victini!”

“That was cheap Teddy! Victini Psychic and throw Growlie into the lake!
VIC! TINI!!! Victini dropped Growlie above the lake. Luckily, Chinchou saved Growlie from what could have been her death.

“Don’t even mess with me like that!”

“Don’t hurt Victini like that!”

“I was just having fun”

“Well then so was I. DERP Mom we are going outside to have fun by killing our Pokemon sounds real fun to me!” I hate Jonney’s sarcastic remarks like this.
Our bickering must have become intolerable because Kyle just screamed.

Oh no. I hope we didn’t wake the nesting Beedrill! But something much worse came. A swarm of Dustox appeared overhead and released a stun powder before I black out.

12-06-2012, 06:26 PM
Hmmmm.. It's an improvement. However, just a few things I should add.

Thre are some spots missing some periods and a couple spelling/grammar mistakes. Not much to say. Enjoyed it. Great job!

And why are you so mean to me?! D:

12-06-2012, 08:49 PM
Ohhhhh I like this story! keep it up :o

12-07-2012, 01:22 AM
Thank you both! As for the grammar mistakes when I wrote it I stayed up last night

12-15-2012, 02:19 AM
Dont worry this story isnt dead... I have school and pokemon games to keep up with while also figuring out what to buy people for Christmas... The story will be back soon

12-26-2012, 10:50 PM
Chapter 3: What just happened?

“Hello? Oh! At least one of you are awake! Before anything may I ask your name?”

“I’m Teddy. Where am I?” Blurry sight when I wake up again…

“You’re at the Pokemon center in Viridian city! I’m nurse Joy”

"Wait… “MY FRIENDS!!! Where are they? “Oh no! Growlie!!!”

“Calm down, you are still very weak! Your friends are in different rooms still asleep, and your Growlithe is fine! See?” Nurse Joy pointed to the window that shows the lobby. Who is that girl Growlie is playing with?

“I need to go see Growlie” I went to get up when nurse Joy said for me to just sit here as she got Growlie for me. After about a minute of talking to the girl that, for some reason, was dressed in all green, They all walked in. “Who’s she?” I pointed to the girl.

“This is Kai.”


“If she hadn’t found you and your friends in the forest the Dustox would have killed you!”

“I’m Burgh’s assistant from Unova! I’m training to become the new bug gym leader! Luckily my two Beedrill and Accelgor were able to save you all.”

A shiver went through me. “I hate bug types…”

“Hate bug types?! You must hate life!”

“No… just bugs”

“Stop being a baby! Go Leavanny!” The Pokemon came out of the Pokeball right next to where I was.

“WHY! I mean look at those razor sharp arms and that huge collar and the spiky feet!” I could see a tear coming from Leavanny’s eye.

“I’m so sorry Leavanny!”

“If I keep her out you will learn to love her. Let’s have a battle!”

“That will be fine” Nurse Joy agreed.

“It will be fine with me too!” Jonny is up but I’m guessing Kyle is still out. “Let’s go outside!” We all arrived at the battlefield with Joy being the referee.

“This will be a handicap battle with the matchup being Teddy and Junny versus Kai the soon to be second insectable artist” Nurse Joy doesn’t know Jonny’s name either apparently.

Kai: Leavanny your up!

Jonny: Victini go!

Kai must have noticed Victini’s injured wing because she smiled like an evil genius.

Go Growlie!


Growlie! Use your choice of move!

Growlie ran toward Leavanny and bit her arm. Was that sparks?!

Leavanny: Was that thunder fang?!

Kai: Swords Dance!

Jonny: Victini! Sunny Day!

NO! It was too late.

Kai: Leavanny now has double speed! Poison jab them Leavanny!

Dodge Growlie!

Kai: Leavanny is too fast for that.

Leavanny hit both of our Pokemon and they both fainted. I’m traveling with an idiot…

As we walked into the Pokemon Center we saw a panicked Kyle looking for Chinchou. This is a Pokemon center… they must have his Pokemon somewhere.

“I have your Chinchou here Kyle” Nurse Joy handed Kyle the Pokeball. “Oh thank Arceus!”

“We must go nurse Joy! Thanks again Kai!” I had to get out of there. Pokemon centers are so depressing. Once we got out of the Pokemon Center we ran down the road and found an old man laying in the road ahead.

“Oh no, is he?”

“I’m tired of this conversation”

“No he isn’t Teddy and stop saying that Kyle.” We ran up to the man who looked shocked. “What happed?”

“My Pokemon. Supernova!” Someone ran up and called for help. “Supernova was just here! Let’s go Route 1 is just north of here.”
Running to Route 2 I saw something out of the corner of my eye. “A Caterpie! Guys stop!”

“Really Teddy?! We have to catch Supernova!”

“Quiet! Caterpie are cute, therefore it belongs with me. I have seen the love of bug types!”

“I think we need to step back Jonny.”

“Go Quick ball!” The pokemon got caught in the Pokeball as it shook three times. “I got it!”

“Great let us go now!”


We made to Pewter city and saw a Spiky-haired man getting ambushed by Supernova, though he was fending them off pretty well. I put Caterpie in my hand and threw him at the Supernovas.

“String shot!” The silk wrapped around their bodies.

“Pin missle!” The pin missle coming from an unknown pokemon saved the grunts. “String shot!” The string shot pulled the grunts back behind some trees.

“Return Caterpie!” Are you okay?!

“I’m Forrest, the Pewter city gym leader, thanks. Would you happen to be taking the gym challenge?”

“We are!”

“It’s getting late, come with me to the gym and you can stay there tonight.”


“Shut it Teddy that will never catch on!”

“Well it’s not like you know any jokes Jonny! Let’s go.”

“Go Crobat! Fly us to the gym!”

By the time we got to the gym Crobat was exhausted. (Stupid fat Jonney -_-)

“Return Crobat you did good. Let’s go inside.”

We took a couple of steps inside when a voice came from the kitchen: “Forrest is that you!”

“Yeah Brock! I brought some friends!”

Kai opened the door behind us and ran into the house. “Forrest! I challenge your gym!” I saw determination in her eyes. I knew she
wanted to win more than anything else in the world. “Oh hi Teddy, Jonny , Kyle, Growlie!”

Forrest got wide eyes. “Why did you just basically break into my house? I have some challengers already for tomorrow so stay here and I’ll battle you tomorrow”

“Fine! Is there a place where all of our Pokemon can play?”

“Sure! The gym side of the house is one huge rocky room for battles! Let’s go!”

We arrived in the gym and I believe it is time to introduce my new Pokemon.

“Growlie! Caterpie!”

“Eevee! Chinchou! Chinchou use water gun to make you a pool!” Chinchou landed in the pool of mud and swam around happily.


“Now it is time for the second insectable artist to show her masterpieces! Go Leavanny, Beedrill, BeeBee Drill(not a typo) , Accelgor , Butterfree, and Scizor! "

“Go play everyone! I want to talk to Kai!”

After me and Kai talked for awhile it got interesting, she started talking about a legendary bug type Pokemon.

“What is its name?”

“Genesect and it’s my dream to catch him!”

“I’m so tired let’s get ready for tomorrow and get some sleep!”

“Agreed” Said Jonny who was half-asleep on the bench next to us.
As I crawled onto the mattress and pulled the blanket over me I thought of a trategy I could use against the type advantage, this will be a challenge I said to myself softly before I fell off to sleep.

I know it isn't as good as my previous work but I did not know what direction this was going in.