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Pikachu2000
12-12-2012, 08:24 PM
Hey guys i think this might be one of my last fan fics as venom said work on your other 2 fan fics and i have said here i shall not work on it no more so ...

here it is:

12/12/12
Dear diray,
today i got my first pokemon i had a choice of bulbasaur, torchic or oshawatt
obviosly i chose my favorite pokemon torchic. Id prefer the gym battles instead of the contests but my mum keeps urging me to do the contests she even bought me a tuxedo so basically i think i might have to do it, how i wanted to do the gym battles i just might make a power point to show her whats better. My torchic knows the moves scratch and leer pretty basic but i know where mums secret stack of tms and hms are and some pokeballs are so i might run away and leave a note for her,she'd become worried if i do that call the poke police then id be in for it probably a life grounding until i was old enough to own my own house.

after i last wrote in here which was 3 hours ago i found mums secret stash of pokeballs and tms i took some of the best ones i could find ran to my room and tried them on my torchic she now knows flamethrower,flame charge, double kick and high jump kick. I have a scratch mark down my face after clipping her talons i think im not going to do it my self now on especially if shes not asleep with an anaesthetic!

well diary i think i have developed a strong rivalry with sharky my rival ugh he always shows of with his so called 'rare' charmander i really despise him he thinks he is so much better than me because his parents are out of town. speaking of parents i know very little of my dad i have never met him the last i heard of him was when mum told me the went to somewhere fighting against team rocket but no one has ever heard about him since i wonder if he is part of team rocket id like to stop him if he is, i really do want to meet him.

well its been an hour science i last wrote because professor fir wanted to give me something called pokemon recording machine pokedex for short as far as i know it records the data of pokemon you've seen it was first created by professor oak who sadly passed away 3 years ago it was some sort of accident a plane crash i think.

My mum has finally agreed to let me do the gym challenge thats the reason i got the pokedex. She said 'theres got to be a time where a mother has to let her butterfree free' im guessing that means she is sad to see me go well il write to you soon
jack......


well thanks for reading no hate comments any comments about improvement and nice comments allowed!

Grey Kyurem
12-12-2012, 08:25 PM
i like this

Blaze Yuki Heartnet
12-12-2012, 08:26 PM
me too.

Pikachu2000
12-12-2012, 08:32 PM
i like this

really thx zek and blaze

carcinoGeneticist
12-12-2012, 11:25 PM
Better than what I've seen from you. Charming, but not too interesting, but it has enough cuteness in it to keep you reading.

Work on your capatilization and punctuation and this will be a decent piece of writing.

EllaJaneBinks
12-13-2012, 01:09 AM
I agree, it's a lot better than what you have written and seems like you have put more effort into this story as opposed to the others which seemed like they had been written rather lazily :(

The Kiwi Dragon
12-13-2012, 02:58 AM
Nice... Grammatical issues are present, but maybe try to spice it up a little, with an exciting plot twist kinda thing...

Pikachu2000
12-13-2012, 04:54 PM
thank you part two will be at least a week of due to a history assinment il tell u when it will be up

Pikachu2000
12-14-2012, 08:06 PM
ive fin tht history assinment so part two soon probs after i get rid of this cold

Pikachu2000
12-14-2012, 09:14 PM
second part is here

Chapter 2:

14/12/12

as i said in my previous writing in here i said i was going on a journey, well im going to do it yes actually i'm on route 1 at the moment one of the many routes in the Tiper region.

you know how i said about that ridiculous rival of mine Sharky well my stupid mum told him that i was going on an adventure and that gave him the idea to ruin it for me and tag along yes, he is tagging along,ridiculous right.
Speaking of Sharky i never told you what pokemon he had did I? Well he has a silly little Magikarp, personally i don't think he's going to get far untill he evolves that thing. But what he doesn't know is i'm planning to run off with all the equipment and flog his so called beloved magikarp for money and leave him stranded because if you met him you would love to do the same.

well about 20 minutes ago was when i last wrote here and something amazing happened, do yo want to Know? Well i won my first battle and i won some pokedollers (179 to be exact.) in a play im going to reenact it.

Trainer: hey you, you stepped in front at me prepare to battle.
me: what.
(battle music plays)
trainer sent out lilpup
Me:GO TORCHIC
trainer: lilpup use tackle
lilpup uses tackle
damage on torhchic goes to yellow
me: torchic use flame thrower
torchic used flame thrower
lilpup's health goes to red
trainer :lilpup use tackle
lilpup used tackle, tackle missed
me: pathetic , tohchic finish him with flamethrower
torchic used falmethrower
lilpup fainted
Jack won the battle
Trainer: how did i loose,here is 179 pokedollers

well tonight is the big ditching and i'm feeling quite nervous but i'm going to get that rush of adrenalin that i wanted for so long well i hope everything goes to plan i'l write to you soon and tell you about what happened so wish me luck

Jack

Pikachu2000
12-14-2012, 09:15 PM
sorry if it isn't long i was rushed

The Kiwi Dragon
12-14-2012, 10:19 PM
I've gotta say this... That was much more rushed than the first. You're a fantastic writer on your first chapter of most of your FanFictions, but by the second and third you've rushed it for some unapparent reason... I hate to say this, but you've done this multiple times so unless, you can keep writing stories in the format that you did with Chapter 1, I'd highly suggest quitting on your writing...

DejaVu146
12-14-2012, 10:24 PM
Ch 2 was good up until The battle. Ch 1 was really good. Follow the same format as that.

Pikachu2000
12-15-2012, 11:52 AM
right ok il try sorry.......

chapter 3 should be more exciting

Pikachu2000
04-03-2013, 11:24 AM
chapter 3:
'phew' that ditching was hard i don't think i have ever done anything more courageous but yet i still miss my rival our arguments, our battles. But no more i shall forget this ever happened.

two hours later
hmmm i wonder i have the feeling I'm being stalked by someone or something. Then out of nowhere a Pokemon appears i check my pokedex and it turns out its a little zorua and some how i can hear voices in my head i thought hard and came up with it being zorua speaking through telepathy and it seems also that zorua was stalking me.

Half an hour later
i had decided to ask zorua to travel with me but zorua doesn't like to get into a pokeball so it might be harder than i thought but zorua did decide to travel with me but on my shoulder.

1 day later:
ugh already i have hurt my shoulder with zorua's weight but i shouldn't say or even think as zorua will find out but honestly zorua is a heavy pokemon i wonder if i should put her on a diet.........


hope you enjoyed chapter 3 please comment and some feedback would be nice!!
untill chapter 4 this is jack saying enjoy writing stories!!!

Pikachu2000
04-08-2013, 11:16 AM
chapter 4 soon and read chapter 3 and comment about the story