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Thread: Kanto Explored: The Desire for Acceptance!

  1. #1
    Pikachu Belle Guest
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    Kanto Explored: The Desire for Acceptance!

    Haii there and welcome to my fanfic hehe. I've been toying around with this for a while and decided I'd finally post it for you guys. A little worried that this might clash with Robin's fanfic which is also set in Kanto. (It's fab, go read it >.>)

    Anyway I'll give you a little information about the fanfic. It's set in Kanto, it isn't like the usual Pokemon journeys and you may recognise a few characters in it

    Chapter 1: The Storyteller, The Blind and The Catnapper

    Hope you enjoy and please do leave feedback!

  2. PokeBay Stats: Trades: 12 | Offers: 12 | Wishlist Items: 8 | Wishlist Offers: 2 | Battles: 4 | Battle Requests: 6
    Right, review time!

    As a whole, I really enjoyed it! It was very short, but as a first chapter that's understandable. Maybe adding in minor detail about you and the character Dannika might fill out the chapter a bit more. There were no major spelling or grammar errors apart from 'smelt' which I think should be smelled. Other than that, it's all good!

    The chapter plot was different in a good way. I haven't seen many fics with this type of back story and no doubt this will come in to play as the story progresses. The style of writing is very loose, personal and at the same time, interactive, making it very appealing to read.

    It will be interesting to actually see Justin and Sierra in character and how they actually react like you've already mentioned. Dannika seems like an interesting character- brave and likable. The one thing that confused me is her clumsiness. Is she fully blind or does she just have bad eye sight? Also looking forward to seeing how their past experiences reflect their current personalities. I can't imagine them being all rainbows and butterflies after a past life like that

    Just one thing I'll say for future chapters. I noticed you're writing in the present tense which is perfectly fine and in ways makes the reader more involved with what is occurring as it is also just happening to the characters at the same time. Just be careful not to switch to past tense when you should be talking in the present tense. There were no problems in this regard with this chapter, but it's something to keep in mind as you write the rest of the chapters.

    Hope this helps and keep up the good work!

    Regards, Robin.

    P.S. Don't worry about writing in the same region as me. The majority of fanfic writers for Pokemon adventure stories start off in Kanto. It's all about the story expressed from the individual's perspective. ^-^
    Last edited by Baby Koga; 10-07-2014 at 01:23 PM.
    Poison Type Veteran

  3. #3
    Pikachu Belle Guest
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    Dannika is fully blind. It's why she has the bandages, to cover the scars and the eeriness that was left behind after the attack. But anyway thank you for the review Robin, I appreciate it

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